Thoughts on India

I’ve had many thoughts on my mind pending written description, so this update may seem a little scattered, but the themes are extremely relevant in the context of my life here.
First of all, it’s wedding season in India and the air is buzzing with families shopping, elephants hustling down major freeways in the groom processions, and fireworks going off at literally all times of the day. My house is situated around several very nice hotels so I have been falling asleep to the booming, yet lovely songs of Bollywood films and MCs pumping up the crowds in Hindi. As I said, fireworks are pretty popular and completely legal here. You can be in an autorickshaw on a street in the evening minding your own business and all of a sudden beautiful fireworks will be set off right in front of you. At first I was extremely jumpy at every crackling sound, the memory of last spring’s bombings springing forward. Fortunately they are not bombs or sounds of violence, but of celebration.
On the 19th, I should be attending a wedding with my host family at a nearby hotel for a family friend’s niece. Let me just preface my whole wedding discussion with the fact that weddings are accepted as extremely loud, ridiculous, crowded events that cost a lot of money and a lot of effort. My host parents have attended 5 weddings in the past week, all for individuals they have never met directly, but are related to or acquainted with. When ma announced the possibility of me attending a wedding, I was extremely excited. She of course sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, “Ayyy, not another one.” So, while these weddings are of course a great party and celebrated event, being well-established in a community can be thoroughly exhausting because of the many invitations. At some of these functions, a thousand people attend! At first, the idea of several hundred people attending a life milestone celebration I thought to myself, 'Jesus, I’m never doing that.' But, guess what? I already have. My bat mitzvah was an enormous event itself. I can just remember, at 13, thinking about all of the random people in the giant sanctuary, wondering if I would be at all able to remember their faces and names. I can speculate that the bride and groom are probably thinking and feeling the same thing.
So, in several days, I’ll be going to this wedding in a saree and all. Here is my segue into the next topic. My host-mother’s sarees. Mom, if you are reading this, just know that this woman beats you in all categories of clothing organization. If you thought you could organize colored sweaters, you should try and organize 400 different kinds of sarees. One day last week after a lecture at Diggi Palace, I came back to be invited into ma’s room to chat. She was sitting on her bed staring at her open closet. I came in, glanced and nearly had a heart attack at how many beautiful pieces of fabric were in the closet. Everything was color coded by major hue and then sorted into sections by type of fabric. It was unbelievable. Apparently, ma reorganizes and refolds sarees everyday and barely ever wears the same saree twice. This is a very common trend among the upper class women. An Indian woman is seen as more beautiful, more goddess like if she wears different clothes everyday. Come to think of it, I have never seen either of my Hindi teachers wear the same sarees or salwaar kameez twice. Yesterday in a market in the old city I saw a beautiful silk saree for Rs 2500, roughly $50. I was extremely tempted to buy it, but knew that I wouldn’t really be wearing it. Younger unmarried women tend to stick to the long tunic top and skinny leggings or jeans. I think for the wedding on the 19th I will get to borrow one of ma’s sarees and be satisfied for a while.
Another love-related event shook up our group and really reminded us of the intense cultural differences in Indian relations and American relations. My host sister, Mintu, works for an event management company that organizes weddings, conferences, and large promotional events. This year, her company decided to organize and throw a Valentine’s Day bash for any young Jaipurite couples who were willing to pay Rs. 2500, roughly $50 a couple for open bar, all inclusive food, and entertainment. Of course, Mintu wanted me to come and bring friends from my program. I talked to the group and a good portion of us were prepared to go, buying nice dresses and shoes for the occasion. However, what I didn’t realize was the context in which this holiday takes place in India. Valentine’s Day has emerged very recently in the past five years as a commercial holiday advertised mostly in Indian film and among the Bollywood stars. Boutiques, bookshops, and restaurants have started selling love and couple paraphernalia to individuals in hordes as Indian youth gets sucked into the trends. The commercial nature of the holiday has also shifted from accumulation of goods to the daring, somewhat newly rebellious behavior of young Indian men and women against the cultural norms and male and female interaction. Couples are holding hands in public, kissing, and cuddling. According to Mintu (this may not be an entirely credible source), there are even some young girls who run off with their sweethearts and get married in the mood of love. In the eyes of many right-wing Hindu activists and thinkers, Valentine’s Day has disrupted the appropriate system of male-female relations. In their eyes it is a disgrace to disobey the cultural norms of marriage and dating; disobedience of the parents is the utmost demonstration of disrespect and dishonor. The Shiv Sena and other right wing fundamentalist were getting rather heated on the topic of Valentine’s Day for Jaipur’s youth. Several days leading up to the party, newspaper articles voiced the threats of the Shiv Sena against any Indian individuals who planned on displaying their affection and love in public. The government of Rajasthan announced the dispatch of unmarked police officers all over the couple “hot spots” in the city in an effort to curb and prevent the violence against young men and women. Three days before the party, a largely public event, Mintu’s office got a call from an anonymous right wing member that threatened “compromising of the safety and security of the guests at the event.” Mintu and her colleagues decided to cancel in an effort to avoid potential liabilities and violence that might have ensued. Imagine the shock and confusion my group must have felt at this threat and subsequent decision. Why are Indians so afraid of PDA? The right-wing groups really will take action when they are displeased with activities that go against tradition. Wow, I can’t believe that they threatened a private party. These are just some of the thoughts going through my friends’ minds. How has one commercial holiday that in theory causes little damage, stimulated such strong feelings of anger and fundamentalism in a society? It is not as if every young person is going out and parading his or her relationships around openly. It is the idea that these individuals are thinking about love and love relationships as an acceptable avenue to walk down. The possibility of change scares many people here. Lack of control, order, and loss of tradition scares those who cling to it. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. While I agree with the ideas of preservation of tradition, I take issue with political and religious interference with individual autonomy. Young people are people as well and should be allowed certain rights. Respect and honor for the family is very important, but I don’t think the participation in such holiday celebrations actually violates these values. There can be a middle ground between the expectations of parents and families to be respectful individuals and the desire to interact with youth from the opposite sex. How one can achieve this is being shaped by individuals on a daily basis.
As I might have mentioned to some people earlier, my internet is really terrible. I don’t yet have it at my homestay and the program center is in the process of transferring from a government line to an Airtel line which should be more reliable. Sadly, whenever I want to get on the internet, everyone else does as well and the routers get overloaded. I’ll try my very best to stay in touch with you all as much as possible. Please send me letters - I really love them. I’ll update soon and, again, thanks for reading!

Mimi